; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
