i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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