so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
