They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
