; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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