Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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