i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
