did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
