How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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