Don't you send me to vm
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
