His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
