my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize