I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
