he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize