The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
