the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
