Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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