Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize