508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
