I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
