The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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