My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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