Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
