my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
