Girls should come with a carfax report
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He better not be in your backpack
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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