Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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