not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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