3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
