the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
