I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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