and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
