I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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