I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
