I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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