wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
