Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize