I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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