If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
