jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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