I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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