My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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