that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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