my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
