Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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