I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
