I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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