Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
