i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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