I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
