i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
