If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
