When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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