he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize