I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
