I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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