After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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