This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
