It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
