There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
