I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
