I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
