i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
