i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
