It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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