I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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