def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
