You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
