Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
