i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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