so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
