Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
