Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
