DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
