i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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