you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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