that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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