I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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